Wow, it's been quite a past couple of weeks, a majority of my time has been spent moving. My new place isn't too big, it's very cozy, which is honestly, very nice. I don't feel closed in or like it's too small, it really is just right. However, a lot of time was spent debating what I wanted to toss, put into storage, and bring with me. I think I managed very well, and I realized a lot about how much I've changed in the past few years. Several of the boxes I opened hadn't been touched since I moved to Troy 4 years ago. I carried them with me place to place because there was some sentimental value hidden under the lids, but opening them four years later was nothing like looking in a mirror.
I felt like I was looking at a much different person just looking at the things that I decided to keep. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike myself from years ago or feel like I've "changed for the better," I've simply changed. Some parts of me are better, some parts of me are worse. I'm never going to be perfect.
On top of all that, starting classes and a new job has also been thrown into the mix. I'm exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically.
I don't think it really hit me how tired I really was until my parents drove away Sunday and I spent the next few hours cleaning the old apartment in tears because I miss them so much. I hadn't seen my parents in almost three weeks, and just the emotions of all the things that I had changed in a few days (job, school, home) just finally poured out of me. My job requires that I work weekends because I don't have very many hours open during the week, thanks to school. I do miss the kids that I used to work with...a lot. I got to go and see them yesterday and today, which was a blessing. They really are amazing children, very bright and very loving. And I'm very glad that almost 3 years of my life was spent there.
Lately, I've been spending time adjusting back into being social, as crazy as that sounds. I spent a lot of last semester kind of cooped up, not really going out and hanging out, but this semester is off to a great start. I go to the DB and just hang out with some of the funniest, most relaxed, least judging people in the world, it's a great way to spend my weekends. And sometimes I'll drink, but most times I'll just have one or two to last me all night and just relax and hang out with the president, my fellow cabinet members, and pray that we don't die in plane crashes (HAHA).
I have always had the best friends that always tend to find me in times when I really just need someone. God has blessed me with some of the greatest people. I don't think there has been a person in my life that has not at one time or another really made a difference, quite a few even make reappearances.
I think it all started in 11th grade in high school when I essentially had to start over, and that's where I met three friends that honestly will probably be in my life until the day that I die. Kala, Landon, Whitney, and I are all so very different and lead different lives now, but we always make time for each other and we are honest, we're open about how we feel, and we don't take crap from each other. I have had falling outs with all of them at least once (except Landon...weird), but somehow, we just always have read each other well and know when to back off and when to butt in. We're so very different, but we all relate so well and we all know just how to be there for each other. I don't even know how to begin to describe the friendship, except to say that I don't think there will be any other friendship in my life like it, and it's taken me a long time to realize that I can't expect every friendship to be this easy. Friendships are another type of relationship (family, friends, partners, etc.) and they all take work, but these friendships...really don't. It's weird.
Then some times that made me a stronger person happened in fall 2007. I used to call them difficult times, but I really think they were just higher hurdles to have to jump to make me the girl I am today. I hate that it happened, but I understand why it happened. I'm not afraid and I don't blame myself or anyone else really. Sometimes things happen. That's it. Anyway, some friends really came through for me then, Alison, Rachel, and Andrea. Talk about different folks. They're my daycare buddies.
Then Kelli and I moved in together. I think our friendship is an as-needed friendship. Our paths never really cross until it's really needed. Like in middle school when a mutual friend moved away, we became closer until God decided that it was time for us to be in different places. For me, it was time for me to build confidence, grow up, and face a lot of things I had been hiding from myself). Then, we started hanging out again around Homecoming 2007, right before some things happened in my life and eventually, we moved in together when we both needed roommates. I don't know. Call it crazy, and I have no idea if she feels the same way, but I feel like right now our paths are going different directions, and it hurts because I'm not really good at letting things go, and maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn right now.
Now, I've got my ELA friends (Elisabeth, Julia, and Danielle) and my bar buddies (Rachel, Whitney, Amanda, Squeak, Warren, Allyson, Kala, Josh, and co. - plus Elisabeth and Michael occasionally) and my usuals (Whitney, Kala, Elisabeth). I've just got a lot right now. I'm so blessed, and so extremely happy with where my life is at. Is it perfect? No. I think that having goals and things to work toward certainly make life interesting and not having it all figured out is part of the mystery and the fun of living.
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